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Posts Tagged ‘Salma Hayek’

The Oscars love your boobs

Posted by emzkbd on February 24, 2013

I’m no Joan Rivers, but I think I can be a little smart and snarky. If only I had my own show! Here’s how it works: I break down the best and worst dressed celebrities on the Oscar’s red carpet with pics, compliments of People.com. I’ve created some of my own unique categories to including Most Unconventional because something always stands out from the crowd.

BEST DRESSED LIST

Jennifer LawrenceBest Dressed: Jennifer Lawrence. Ok, so maybe it was the obvious choice, but it was effortlessly elegant! She looks healthy since her bout with pneumonia, and she looks so chic. I love the fitted bodice and the perfectly voluminous pouf of the skirt. Usually the jewel tones win me over and the nude/white/blush shades makes me roll my eyes, but Jennifer looks like a vision in pale pink. So sophisticated and Oscar-worthy! And we haven’t seen her boobs, as Seth McFarlane pointed out—on or off the red carpet.

Olivia MunnMost Glamorous: Olivia Munn. I missed her walk the red carpet, and not because of her bold choice of color. This chick is totally fit, and the corset with gold stitching hugs her curves like lingerie. I love the draping, which normally would make me complain about too much fabric, but instead its satiny sheen makes it appear totally touchable.

Naomi WattsMost Unconventional: Naomi Watts. Not only is the color and sparkle outstanding, but the fit is flawless. And of course, the whole reason it’s unconventional—the chest/sleeve cutout!

Naomie HarrisBest Color: Naomie Harris. Mustard? I know! But it so works on her. This was also a close second for my most unconventional. I don’t understand the top, and I think that’s why I like it—almost like cobblestone. The bottom looks so light and silky, and if you caught my Golden Globes review, you’ll know I’m a fan of the high slit. Love the leg over the cleav! Also have to give her props on the soft curls.

Charlize TheronBest Neutral: Charlize Theron. One of the E! correspondents said it was reminiscent of Anne Hathaway at the Globes, but I disagree. Charlize isn’t pasty, and she works this fashionable Dior gown. I love the peplum—surprised we didn’t see more of the trend this season! And I’m not really a fan of the pixie cuts, but Charlize’s looks so spunky—a total badass bombshell.

Halle BerryJennifer HudsonBest Long Sleeves: Halle Berry. I originally chose Jennifer Hudson, who somehow made the scale-effect look attractive. Then I switched my vote. Halle said she asked Donatella Versace to make her look like a Bond girl, and she definitely achieved that creation. Even the shoulder-pad look couldn’t ruin this sparkly, streamlined gown.

AdeleBest Plus Size: Adele. Even though she didn’t vary from her Globes look (all black), this one again has a great fit, great length, great sleeves and it’s accompanied by the classic Adele ‘do and smoky eye.

Jane FondaBest Over 50: Jane Fonda. Clearly the boldest color on the carpet! I love the cut and how exquisitely it conveys her timeless beauty. Another celebrity whose short hair style I would say complements her appearance.

Corinne Bishop and Jamie FoxxBest Dressed (Who are you again?): Corinne Bishop. She’s Jamie Foxx’s daughter. In this picture, she looks like a scared kitten, but she was gorgeous on his arm. I love the teal color, the heart-shape neckline and the interwoven bodice. She may be one to watch in the future.

Sandra BullockDress I desperately want to fall in love with: Sandra Bullock. First off, I wanted to push her hair back behind her ear. Back to the dress—I initially hated it like most of her previous red carpet appearances. Then I had an internal tug-of-war. I like the fit on her and the black laciness; I don’t like the sheer bottom (reminds me of a negligee), and the purse should have been silver or black.

Nancy O'Dell Maria MenounosBest Dressed Host: Nancy O’Dell & Maria Menounos. There have been award shows in the past where I’ve detested almost every host’s gown; however, these two are almost always consistent with their picks. I swear Nancy gets younger every year, and did anyone wear a dress better than she did? I love the beautiful blue color and her strappy shoes. Maria also went with a bold brilliant color in a gown, and she is notorious for the high, voluminous hair.

Jessica ChastainBest Hair and Makeup: Jessica Chastain. I have a feeling she’ll get a lot of flack about her dress (again), but I thought it complemented her sun-kissed skin and auburn hair. Speaking of hair, it looked wavy and polished, and her makeup only made her look more gorgeous. I am also usually overly critical of the red lip (probably because I could never pull it off), and even with the red hair it doesn’t clash—it works!

Eddie RedmayneBest Dressed Man: Eddie Redmayne. Can you say ‘smoldering’?

Nicole Kidman and Keith UrbanBest Dressed Couple: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. These two took my breathe away. Nicole always brings the high fashion, and she has the perfectly well-coiffed man candy. Even Nicole’s hair looks so effortless.

WORST DRESSED LIST

Kerry Washington Rachel MwanzaWorst Dressed: Kerry Washington. Ok, it was an upgrade from the Globes. I do like the salmon color against her skin tone, but it’s the flowery bust, cheap, flat-pressed bow, and extra length that moved this to the worst dressed list. First time, though, that I didn’t want to actually pick one; although I would have defaulted to no-name Rachel Mwanza (no-name being irrelevant because she’s at the Oscars, and I’m unbathed, on my couch).

Sally FieldWorst Long Sleeves: Sally Field. The sheer red was just not working. The way it gathered made it appear like she has arm rolls. The other thing about this dress—if you put a petticoat under it, she could have been mistaken as coming character.

Melissa McCarthyWorst Plus Size: Melissa McCarthy. Typical—someone cut a whole in sheet and applied some sparkly appliques to pull it all together. What’s with the 80’s rocker hair?

Tabatha CoffeyWorst Over 50: Tabatha Coffey. Not sure who she is, Sinead O’Conner’s stunt double? I think she raided Jennifer Lawrence’s closet for a gown. She has no cleavage to work this dress, and the feathers and leather gloves clash.

Helen HuntWorst Steal: Helen Hunt. She got her dress from H&M, and it shows. It’s all crinkly and it looks very similar to my sophomore homecoming dress.  I get the feeling she just doesn’t care anymore.

Brandi GlanvilleWorst Dressed (Who are you again?): Brandi Glanville. I have no clue why she’s at the Oscars. A color would have helped this dress, but only slightly. To be honest, though, Brandi just chose the wrong dress. Her makeup is overkill, she’s too tan (even for Hollywood), and her boobs—what can’t I say about those things busting out of their tiny cup holders?

Salma HayekWorst Dressed (You should know better): Salma Hayek. Correspondents said she looked super-petite, but with her curves, that dress should have hugged her a little more. Instead the velvet fabric just hands there. Then there’s that horrid collar and awful tiara!

Amy AdamsWorst Dressed (I let my child pick out my dress): Amy Adams. I think this dress overwhelms Amy and definitely washes her out. Not sure if her kid is old enough to make fashion choices, but if she’s not, then that explains why she wore this.

Jennifer AnistonDress that everyone will probably love but I hate: Jennifer Aniston. Ok, you’re probably thinking “But you like Jennifer Lawrence?” Well, to be honest, I saw Jennifer’s ensemble and I liked it. She looks great in red, and she’s rocking the classic J. Aniston. Then I thought, this is the Oscars. Pull up your hair! As far as the dress, the length is too long, and the whole concept is too young—too Jennifer Lawrence. She also looks best in something more fitted.

Kristen StewartWorst Neutral: Kristen Stewart. At first I thought this gown was white, but I think it’s more of a dusty gold. Another example of a dress washing out its wearer! Plus, Kristen has a boyish figure, and this dress makes that clearly evident. I also cannot comprehend the use of tool at the bottom.

Kelly RowlandWorst Dressed Host: Kelly Rowland. This dress must have come from a contortionist. I feel like she’s about to flash us goods—top and bottom. Then there’s that hideous updo with those heavy bangs! I don’t know what Jamie Foxx sees in her (since he groped her on the red carpet).

Renee ZellwegerWorst Hair and Makeup: Renee Zellweger. The cryptkeeper has arrived! I don’t think gold’s her color, and it’s not that flattering on her figure. Unfortunately, this shot does not convey the utter disaster that is her hair and makeup. Inside the theater, her hair looked frizzy, and it seemed like she didn’t even apply makeup to disguise her gaunt eating disorder.

Jason SchwartzmanWorst Dressed Man: Jason Schwartzman. I thought it was Charlie Chaplin! The navy suit, droopy bow tie, oversized fit, 20’s slicked-back hair, and Chester-the-Molester ‘stache complete this horrifying ensemble.

Sunrise Coigney and Mark Ruffalo Lianne Spiderbaby and Quentin TarantinoWorst Dressed Couple: Sunrise Coigney and Mark Ruffalo. Her dress looks leathery on top with a poncho on the bottom, and his suit looks shiny, which highlights an apparent weight gain. I love Mark, but I think he’s had some medical problems, which makes him look 5-10 years older. I feel bad giving them this award, so check out Quentin Tarantino and Lianne Spiderbaby. He’s all disheveled, and she looks like she’s auditioning for a remake of Sound of Music. Plus, her deep V makes her look like a linebacker.

I also included a few other pics of stars whom I didn’t critique, so enjoy the gallery and let me know: Who was your best and worst dressed stars of the evening?

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I cannot be tortured like this… unless it’s in the red room of pain

Posted by emzkbd on January 29, 2013

At first I thought I was watching the wrong show—no shirtless Sean!—but then in prowls Chris Harrison wasting no time to deliver the first date card. Elsewhere, Sean is prancing around in his boxer briefs. Damn boi! That is one fine ass!

boxer briefs

Salma Hayek Salma Hayek gets the “Let’s turn up the heat” date with Sean, and already she starts panting about being ready to take it to the next level, and then the next level, and then have his babies! Selma 2 With the size of those cans, though, you’d swear she was already milking a whole litter! She goes to get ready, which constitutes yoga pants and a tight tank. Puh-lease! I roll outta bed in what took her to “get ready”.

In other parts of the mansion, the African American Elizabeth Berkley

Elizabeth Berkley Lesley H is bawling her eyes out over a man with whom she has spent zero quality time. She claims to have a heart and really wants a date… just like everyone else.

Sean arrives to pick up Selma for their “hot yoga” sesh. Selma tries to guess what their date entails. Perhaps some salsa? She warns Sean that her giant boobies might distract him and cause him to break all ten of his toes. That and she doesn’t think Sean can handle all one hundred and ten pounds of her. MOST.HATED.WOMAN.IN.AMERICA.

Their PDA fest goes from limo to private plane where she does Sean a solid and conceals his erection by splaying across his lap. PDA

Selma is eating up the luxurious transportation, and then “the Iraqi” lands in the desert. She is “petrified”, probably because she fears the heat… and boob sweat. She also claims to feel puffy, but I’m sure she was just referring to her pillowtop chest.

Sean suggests some rock climbing, but Selma would prefer an airlift to the top. Maybe she can unleash those balloons and ascend gracefully! She has a mild panic attack, but then—much to my surprise—she actually climbs really well. Sean: “Your ass looks cute in that helmet… errrr… in that harness… ughhh… you have a cute helmet.”

rock climbing

Selma: “He gave me this adrenaline, and he gave me this courage. I gotta show this man I want him in me.”

Sean: “I’m looking for fingerholes… trying to push myself up… keep my erection down.”

Just before they get to the top, the cameraman blows his load over a close up of Selma’s cleav. Titty shot

Those Tetons sure got some airtime last night. Sean also makes sure to “give her a lift” once they’ve conquered their fears.

Giving her a lift

Later, Sean kidnaps Selma to a desert campsite. While cuddling, Sean mentions he only had one serious relationship after college. Selma tells him he’ll find an amazing girl who’ll put out. Then Sean wants to know about her family, and she assures him there’s a lot he doesn’t know… or anything at all. Selma says her mother would have a heart attack if she kissed Sean on national TV.

Cuddling

Back at the mansion, the group date card arrives. “I’m looking for a woman who can roll with the punches.” Tierra is not happy because she “don’t need no chaperones.”

In the middle of nowhere, Sean wants to kiss Selma, to which she responds “we’re not even allowed to date basically… not that we’re not allowed to date. Obviously we’re allowed to date… but in our culture we sorta keep it secret from everyone.” So which is it—you date or you don’t date? I think it sounds like she’s ok with getting’ a lil sumthin’ sumthin’ behind her mama’s back.

Selma: “I want to feel his lips on my vagina mine… but we’ll have to wait… until I’m his only lady.” This sounds promising!

Sean: “Her eyes are just basically asking me to fuck kiss her.”

Obviously, Sean is intrigued because Selma won’t kiss him. Umm, did he ever think that the whole “my mama would disapprove” act is really just a cover for her herp outbreak? Even so, he gives her rose, and Selma “the tease” continues to entice him with “I really want to kiss you.”

On the group date, Amanda confesses she doesn’t know what “roll with the punches” means, but I’m sure some of the other girls could demonstrate a few rights hooks… to her face.

Nubs: “I don’t think having one arm will hold me back today.” So optimistic it hurts!

“Ladies, welcome to the wonder world of roller derby,” says the butchest bitch in the joint. AssLee hopes she doesn’t die at the hands of rug muncher because, lesbia-honest, her preacher pop wouldn’t be too proud.

Tierra: “I have aggression I’ve been building up living in the house… and if I can’t masturbate there then I’m excited I get to knock some biotches down.”

roller derby

Amanda spreads a sly lie that she’s done the roller derby thing before. Tumbles ensue, and it’s no surprise that Nubs is pretty much roadkill. Nubs: “My body works in different ways… I poop rainbows like Chris Harrison. Tears tears tears. Blah blah blah. I’m a broken person.” Always-the-good-girl AssLee comforts Nubs, which then leads to Sean comforting Nubs, which gets her back in the rink.

Elsewhere, Amanda is gloating about killin’ it in her skates. Next thing you know, she’s face down, ass up, taking it from behind… from Karma. It’s a bitch! “Now I’ll never be a fit model… even though I’m a fit model!” They think she fractured her jaw, but at least she didn’t pout it off like Tierra. Instead, she listens to the medic and goes to the hospital. Once she’s gone, Sean and the remaining woman have an 80’s free skate.

Nubs: “Well I think we all rolled with the punches pretty well… except Amanda who got what was coming to her.”

I’d like to pause here and say, has anyone else noticed the abundance of lyrical music in this episode, including “Foolish Heart” by Steve Perry? Are the producers trying to subliminally tell us something? Is this the theme song for this season?

Later, Sean wants everyone to relax and “not worry about breaking their jaw.” He pulls Nubs aside first because he “respects her so much”, which is code for “I could never do the dirty with her.” Meanwhile, the other women are trying to encourage Tierra to go pro with roller derby. “No!” she says. “I don’t want a sympathy rose.”

Amanda returns in her 70’s mom getup to “milk it”. Sean kisses her bump. Amanda: “All I get is a kiss on the chin. Maybe I should have said, ‘Actually, they took out my tonsils.’”

At the mansion, Lesley H. gets the “Could this be forever?” date card and diamond earrings, to which she exclaims, “Holy moly batman!”

Then aw hell nah breaks loose. Robyn asks AssLee and Nubs what happened to Amanda during roller derby, and Tierra feels like she’s been snubbed from the conversation. She says Robyn was trying to get a rise out of her, acting all “high school”. So Tierra stomps off, in the least high school way possible. Poor Nubs was like “what did I do?”

Tierra: “Where is Sean?” Uhhhh he’s looking for Lindsay’s tonsils. Sorry, Amanda! “Why should I be tortured every day and live life uneasy?” Easy honey, it’s not like you’re an Iraqi prisoner in your own home. Right, Selma? “I can’t take the fakeness from any of these girls anymore!” I still can’t decide if Selma’s tittays are real. “I cannot take it! I am breaking down inside and holding it all in and that is not fair.” Sounds like someone needs a laxative! “I cannot be tortured like this!” Tierra pops a squat, waiting for Sean to finish tongue tasering Lindsay.

Tortured Tierra

When they finally emerge—Lindsay in a bikini—Tierra snatches Sean to tell him she wants to leave… or go on an amazing date. Sean tries to reassure her. Look at Courtney Bob—she was the most hated and look how far she went!

Apparently tears turn Sean on because he scampers off for the rose, while Tierra enjoys her victory with a devious grin Happy Tierraand the other women assure themselves she’s going home, but Sean is “crazy about her”. Well, I guess he’s in store for a whole lotta crazy then. The others are in complete shock. “He’s been manipulated tonight… She’s good at what she does.” What can I say? Blow jobs can be persuasive!

The next day, Sean has a date with Miss Super Duper Duper Excited. Lesley H. got some diamond earrings and “holy moly” she likes ‘em. Sean takes his tranny hooker to Rodeo Drive to do some Pretty Woman shopping at Badgley Mischka. To be honest, those were the ugliest effing dresses I’ve ever seen. The brown one wasn’t bad, but she picked one that was ill-fitting with a giant bow and sparkly trim. “Winner winner, chicken dinner!” What is with this girl’s phrases?!

Lesley H 2

Lesley H.: “Sean definitely is a young, sexy, blonde, blue-eyed Richard Gere, and I am a tan Julia Roberts.” No, you’re black, unless you’ve got a Michael Jackson complex. Then I’ll let you have “tan”.

They proceed to accessorize at Neil Lane with a 120-carat diamond necklace. Lesley's necklace

I guess a bodyguard will be chaperoning their date at the Bradbury—whatever that is. “Opa!” Is she Greek now?

Sean tries to get to know Lesley H. who shares her life story, which includes dating a lot of men who get married right after dating her. Sean agrees and shares this: “Sometimes someone looks so good on paper and you get along great and they’ve got all the qualities you’re looking for but it’s just not there.” Hmm, you’re preaching to the choir, Sean! Maybe it’s time I start blogging (or vlogging) about my personal life again.

Then Lesley tells Sean she comes from a broken family and only wants to get married once, at which point Sean’s eyes start to glaze over. He can’t put his finger on it; maybe it’s her giant mouth or her “holy moly” comments, but it’s just not there. So just to be a douche, he picks up the rose and taunts her with it. Lesley exits with grace but not before planting a bug in Sean’s ear that some of the women who have roses are not there for the right reasons. Hmm, can’t imagine whom she’s referring to?!

Sean sulks back inside where Ben Taylor was going to sing for them. Lesley claims she could see herself with Sean at the end. Sean is reassuring himself with his decision but claims to have doubts. Even though we know it was premeditated, he casually drops the rose off the balcony, and it lands in a slow and dramatic explosion on the ground. His heart will go on, ladies!

Rose ceremony time! Sean is going to get harder and harder and harder as these go on. First, he sits down with AssLee. Snooze! Such a sweet, kind, blah, blah, blah person! Next, Robyn tries to pick up Sean with her “Which chocolate do you want to taste?” Uhhh the white one? Awww, snap!

Meanwhile, Tierra—holy boobies!—wants to clear the air with Robyn and Jackie. “I just wanted to apologize for the other night and how it went down. You know, you kind of attacked me… I just wanted to apologize!” That’s the most passive-aggressive apology I’ve ever heard. “I am too strong of a woman and too independent to let high school pity stuff get in my way… I came here to win this!”

The women are confused by Tierrable’s behavior. I like that! Let’s see what else I can come up with! Tierrafying tells Sean she is NOT a “drama starter”. Tierraist: “Sometimes girls have a hard time accepting me for who I am.” Intruder alert, intruder alert!

None of the ladies want to throw Tierracotta under the bus unless it interferes with their individual relationship. Ok, that one doesn’t really work—unless you hate the color. Catherine really wants to kiss Sean, but he’s afraid that he’s been put in the friend zone. So she takes him out front and puts him in the bone zone.

Time to send one packin’! I’m sure many of you thought Ke$ha and her slurred speech would be the lone limo leaver, but Amanda—trying to match her burgundy lipstick to Sean’s tie in her flapper dress with a rat’s nest updo—was damaged goods. The always tactful Chris Harrison: “If you did not receive a rose, take a moment to say your goodbyes.” Uh Chris, were you drunk because there’s only one person going home? Did you forget her name like Jessie did so many seasons ago? Stay tuned next week because we’re getting double the romance and double the drama. As long as the Bachelor Pad twins don’t double back, I’ll double my dosage of Sean’s half naked body any week.

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The Golden Globes—the playoffs to the Oscars

Posted by emzkbd on January 15, 2012

Here we are in the midst of the 2012 awards season, and already I’m underwhelmed with the performances and appearances. I’ll admit I haven’t seen most of the nominated films, so I only have myself to blame. However, there aren’t many films that pique my interest, maybe The Help, The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo (which I’m almost finished reading), and Young Adult; the rest, either I’ve seen ‘em or I’ll leave ‘em. And as far as TV shows goes, I already have a full lineup on my DVR, and unfortunately I must not have very good taste according to the Hollywood Foreign Press because most have not been included in this soiree.

So since I can’t speak to the nominees (yet), I’ll keep my opinions to the red carpet. My biggest gripe—the abundance of blush, nude and gray walking the celebrity runway. BORING!! I’ve said it a thousand times, show up in jewel tones and you won’t be forgotten. It’s like all these ladies are publicizing their desire to pose for playboy. Show us a pop of color somewhere besides your lips and nips! Sometimes one or two of them does it right, but most of the time, I’m loving the dress but wishing it were in a different color.

Then there are the black and white, chain mail metallic, and my-body-is-a-canvas trends. Everyone has their niche or their chance to go bold, but I can’t say that any of these choices WOW-ed me this year. Kate Winslet and Claire Danes played it safe in their penguin-inspired dresses, but both failed to leave an impression. Next up, Nicole Richie parades onto the red carpet (excuse me, why?) in something that appears to belong under a suit of armor. And finally the Glee girls (Lea Michele and Dianna Agron) apparently thought this was some sort of living art expo. Lea, Halle Berry already rocked this trend, and Dianna, the swan thing is creepy on top and your g-ma’s doilies are hideous on the bottom.

Without further ado, here is my Best/Worst Dressed list for the 2012 Golden Globes.

BEST DRESSED LIST

Best dressed: Sofia Vergara. So the dress wasn’t radical or unpredictable. She knows how to work her curves, and it shows. This dress fit like a glove, just like Nicole Kidman’s,  but for Nicole, it’s all about finding a color to complement your features, and gray is not that. So, no, Nicole is not really part of my Best Dressed.

 Most Glamorous: Jessica Alba. For just having a baby, she looks stunning! The dress is very romantic and begs to be touched.

 Most Unconventional: Salma Hayek. The beading, the shimmer, très chic! I feel like she’s been missing from the red carpet, and I’m happy to see she’s returned.

 Best Color: Paula Patton. Good morning, Sunshine! This woman is the next Sofia Vergara, who coincidentally, also went with a fishtail dress.

 Best Blush/Nude: Kate Beckinsale. I know I said I hated this trend; I’d take the fishtail over this one any day. But like I said, every once in a while, someone (with the right features) does it right, and this time it was Kate.

 Runner-up: Charlize Theron. Again, I didn’t want to like it, but I recognize that she always takes a fashionable risk with the style of her dress, and it usually works. Plus, her porcelain skin still allows the blush color to standout just a bit.

 Best Long sleeves: Laura Dern. I loved this emerald color, too, but I think this was perfect for the carpet and a GG winner. Just wish she had a little more makeup!

 Best Plus Size: Amber Riley. So not all the cast of Glee made a mistake. Amber did it right last year, and I think she comes out on top again this year! Great color (it’s tough when you’re competing with the carpet) and very complimentary for her curves!

 Best Over 50: Helen Mirren. Always! This woman has aged well and knows what works. Ruffles done right!

Runner-ups (over 40):

 Viola Davis. Talk about a silent favorite. I had to check her age and realized she wasn’t “over 50” but I still thought she deserved credit for dressing sexy as hell at her age.

Felicity Huffman. Shimmering in a creamy gold number, she turns 50 this year, but she certainly isn’t a Desperate Housewife. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a picture.

 Best dressed (Who are you again?): Jenna Dewan. Reminiscent of Mila Kunis last season, I love this style and the color. Not enough green this year! (Speaking of Mila Kunis—yes, I know who she is,  but I have to point out the reason she didn’t make my “list.” Black is safe, and this style seems so as well. After last season, this just doesn’t even come close to movie-star quality.)

Runner-ups:

 Berenice Bejo. She’s the French silent film star. That almost sounds naughty. Either way, I loved her dress, and I can’t wait to see what she wears to the Oscars.

Stacy Keibler: Yes, you’re George Clooney’s girlfriend now, but where will you be next year? Hopefully, making more red carpet appearances.

 Dress I desperately want to fall in love with: Julianne Moore. I love the layers here, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around the tiers at the hips and the feet.

 Runner-Up: Evan Rachel Wood. There’s a lot going on here with the sparkle, the scales, and the feathers, but I want to say she wears it well.

 Best Dressed Host: Nancy O’Dell. I know I said the chain mail look was out, but she pulls off this metallic look elegantly.

 Best Dressed Man: Chris Colfer. I almost wish he were straight.

WORST DRESSED LIST

 Worst Dressed: Piper Perabo. It looks like she has no boobs, the color is depressing, and it looks like she’s got the Wringling Brothers under that big top.

 Runner-Up: Naya Rivera. Perhaps the worst dressed Glee star, I had to mention how dreadful her dress was. This gray at least had more depth to it, but the turtleneck-like collar and the unsightly seam down the middle made it unsalvageable.

 Worst Blush/Nude: Elle MacPherson. From the weird wings on top to the explosion of tulle at the bottom, it’s red carpet trash. Thank goodness she has great hair!

 Worst Long Sleeves: Jessica Biel. Has someone already started to look at wedding dresses?

 Worst Plus Size: Melissa McCarthy. I hate saying this because I know how cool she is, but it’s just so wrong, like a bejeweled robe. And then there’s the Snooki poof!

 Worst Over 50: Glenn Close. It looks like a mother-of-the-groom dress, and we all know how wretched those can be.

 Worst Dressed (You should know better): Heidi Klum. I tried to find the fashion sense here with the turquoise jewelry, which I like, but I just can’t give this ensemble the credit it probably deserves.

 Worst Dressed (I let my child pick out my dress): Sarah Michelle Gellar. Aww how cute! Your daughter helped pick out that mistake. Looks like you wrapped yourself in a drop cloth and let someone throw a bucket of blue paint on you. Obviously you have no fashion sense and neither does your child.

 Worst Dressed (all of them with cap sleeves): Yes, I’m looking at you—Emma Stone in your belted Greek priestess gown; Julie Bowen in that horrific retro nude catastrophe; and Madonna, you’re not SJP, so don’t try to be trendy chic at these events for real actors.

 Worst self film-promotion: Rooney Mara. I was in her corner for most of her film premieres, but this is too much. Lay off the black and put some more color in your wardrobe!

 Dress that everyone will probably love but I hate: Reese Witherspoon. The material looks cheap, the fit is too tight in some parts and too loose in others, and the hem is way too long. Great beachy hair though!

 Runner-Up: Angelina Jolie. Sorry, I just can’t get behind this. I know I’ve seen this color combo before (wasn’t it Natalie Portman last year), and while the slit and shoes are sexy, it’s just not my cup of Blood and Honey (that was her movie reference).

 Worst Dressed Host: Giuliana Rancic. I think she needs to take time to heal from this dress.

 Worst Dressed Man: Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Uh, hello, I thought you were gay in real life?

There were lots more that I failed to mention. For more pics, I recommend a visit to People.com (where I found most of these shots). Tell me, who did you think was a hit or a miss?

And stay tuned for tomorrow’s Bachelor re-cap.

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