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Posts Tagged ‘James Bond’

The Oscars love your boobs

Posted by emzkbd on February 24, 2013

I’m no Joan Rivers, but I think I can be a little smart and snarky. If only I had my own show! Here’s how it works: I break down the best and worst dressed celebrities on the Oscar’s red carpet with pics, compliments of People.com. I’ve created some of my own unique categories to including Most Unconventional because something always stands out from the crowd.


Jennifer LawrenceBest Dressed: Jennifer Lawrence. Ok, so maybe it was the obvious choice, but it was effortlessly elegant! She looks healthy since her bout with pneumonia, and she looks so chic. I love the fitted bodice and the perfectly voluminous pouf of the skirt. Usually the jewel tones win me over and the nude/white/blush shades makes me roll my eyes, but Jennifer looks like a vision in pale pink. So sophisticated and Oscar-worthy! And we haven’t seen her boobs, as Seth McFarlane pointed out—on or off the red carpet.

Olivia MunnMost Glamorous: Olivia Munn. I missed her walk the red carpet, and not because of her bold choice of color. This chick is totally fit, and the corset with gold stitching hugs her curves like lingerie. I love the draping, which normally would make me complain about too much fabric, but instead its satiny sheen makes it appear totally touchable.

Naomi WattsMost Unconventional: Naomi Watts. Not only is the color and sparkle outstanding, but the fit is flawless. And of course, the whole reason it’s unconventional—the chest/sleeve cutout!

Naomie HarrisBest Color: Naomie Harris. Mustard? I know! But it so works on her. This was also a close second for my most unconventional. I don’t understand the top, and I think that’s why I like it—almost like cobblestone. The bottom looks so light and silky, and if you caught my Golden Globes review, you’ll know I’m a fan of the high slit. Love the leg over the cleav! Also have to give her props on the soft curls.

Charlize TheronBest Neutral: Charlize Theron. One of the E! correspondents said it was reminiscent of Anne Hathaway at the Globes, but I disagree. Charlize isn’t pasty, and she works this fashionable Dior gown. I love the peplum—surprised we didn’t see more of the trend this season! And I’m not really a fan of the pixie cuts, but Charlize’s looks so spunky—a total badass bombshell.

Halle BerryJennifer HudsonBest Long Sleeves: Halle Berry. I originally chose Jennifer Hudson, who somehow made the scale-effect look attractive. Then I switched my vote. Halle said she asked Donatella Versace to make her look like a Bond girl, and she definitely achieved that creation. Even the shoulder-pad look couldn’t ruin this sparkly, streamlined gown.

AdeleBest Plus Size: Adele. Even though she didn’t vary from her Globes look (all black), this one again has a great fit, great length, great sleeves and it’s accompanied by the classic Adele ‘do and smoky eye.

Jane FondaBest Over 50: Jane Fonda. Clearly the boldest color on the carpet! I love the cut and how exquisitely it conveys her timeless beauty. Another celebrity whose short hair style I would say complements her appearance.

Corinne Bishop and Jamie FoxxBest Dressed (Who are you again?): Corinne Bishop. She’s Jamie Foxx’s daughter. In this picture, she looks like a scared kitten, but she was gorgeous on his arm. I love the teal color, the heart-shape neckline and the interwoven bodice. She may be one to watch in the future.

Sandra BullockDress I desperately want to fall in love with: Sandra Bullock. First off, I wanted to push her hair back behind her ear. Back to the dress—I initially hated it like most of her previous red carpet appearances. Then I had an internal tug-of-war. I like the fit on her and the black laciness; I don’t like the sheer bottom (reminds me of a negligee), and the purse should have been silver or black.

Nancy O'Dell Maria MenounosBest Dressed Host: Nancy O’Dell & Maria Menounos. There have been award shows in the past where I’ve detested almost every host’s gown; however, these two are almost always consistent with their picks. I swear Nancy gets younger every year, and did anyone wear a dress better than she did? I love the beautiful blue color and her strappy shoes. Maria also went with a bold brilliant color in a gown, and she is notorious for the high, voluminous hair.

Jessica ChastainBest Hair and Makeup: Jessica Chastain. I have a feeling she’ll get a lot of flack about her dress (again), but I thought it complemented her sun-kissed skin and auburn hair. Speaking of hair, it looked wavy and polished, and her makeup only made her look more gorgeous. I am also usually overly critical of the red lip (probably because I could never pull it off), and even with the red hair it doesn’t clash—it works!

Eddie RedmayneBest Dressed Man: Eddie Redmayne. Can you say ‘smoldering’?

Nicole Kidman and Keith UrbanBest Dressed Couple: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. These two took my breathe away. Nicole always brings the high fashion, and she has the perfectly well-coiffed man candy. Even Nicole’s hair looks so effortless.


Kerry Washington Rachel MwanzaWorst Dressed: Kerry Washington. Ok, it was an upgrade from the Globes. I do like the salmon color against her skin tone, but it’s the flowery bust, cheap, flat-pressed bow, and extra length that moved this to the worst dressed list. First time, though, that I didn’t want to actually pick one; although I would have defaulted to no-name Rachel Mwanza (no-name being irrelevant because she’s at the Oscars, and I’m unbathed, on my couch).

Sally FieldWorst Long Sleeves: Sally Field. The sheer red was just not working. The way it gathered made it appear like she has arm rolls. The other thing about this dress—if you put a petticoat under it, she could have been mistaken as coming character.

Melissa McCarthyWorst Plus Size: Melissa McCarthy. Typical—someone cut a whole in sheet and applied some sparkly appliques to pull it all together. What’s with the 80’s rocker hair?

Tabatha CoffeyWorst Over 50: Tabatha Coffey. Not sure who she is, Sinead O’Conner’s stunt double? I think she raided Jennifer Lawrence’s closet for a gown. She has no cleavage to work this dress, and the feathers and leather gloves clash.

Helen HuntWorst Steal: Helen Hunt. She got her dress from H&M, and it shows. It’s all crinkly and it looks very similar to my sophomore homecoming dress.  I get the feeling she just doesn’t care anymore.

Brandi GlanvilleWorst Dressed (Who are you again?): Brandi Glanville. I have no clue why she’s at the Oscars. A color would have helped this dress, but only slightly. To be honest, though, Brandi just chose the wrong dress. Her makeup is overkill, she’s too tan (even for Hollywood), and her boobs—what can’t I say about those things busting out of their tiny cup holders?

Salma HayekWorst Dressed (You should know better): Salma Hayek. Correspondents said she looked super-petite, but with her curves, that dress should have hugged her a little more. Instead the velvet fabric just hands there. Then there’s that horrid collar and awful tiara!

Amy AdamsWorst Dressed (I let my child pick out my dress): Amy Adams. I think this dress overwhelms Amy and definitely washes her out. Not sure if her kid is old enough to make fashion choices, but if she’s not, then that explains why she wore this.

Jennifer AnistonDress that everyone will probably love but I hate: Jennifer Aniston. Ok, you’re probably thinking “But you like Jennifer Lawrence?” Well, to be honest, I saw Jennifer’s ensemble and I liked it. She looks great in red, and she’s rocking the classic J. Aniston. Then I thought, this is the Oscars. Pull up your hair! As far as the dress, the length is too long, and the whole concept is too young—too Jennifer Lawrence. She also looks best in something more fitted.

Kristen StewartWorst Neutral: Kristen Stewart. At first I thought this gown was white, but I think it’s more of a dusty gold. Another example of a dress washing out its wearer! Plus, Kristen has a boyish figure, and this dress makes that clearly evident. I also cannot comprehend the use of tool at the bottom.

Kelly RowlandWorst Dressed Host: Kelly Rowland. This dress must have come from a contortionist. I feel like she’s about to flash us goods—top and bottom. Then there’s that hideous updo with those heavy bangs! I don’t know what Jamie Foxx sees in her (since he groped her on the red carpet).

Renee ZellwegerWorst Hair and Makeup: Renee Zellweger. The cryptkeeper has arrived! I don’t think gold’s her color, and it’s not that flattering on her figure. Unfortunately, this shot does not convey the utter disaster that is her hair and makeup. Inside the theater, her hair looked frizzy, and it seemed like she didn’t even apply makeup to disguise her gaunt eating disorder.

Jason SchwartzmanWorst Dressed Man: Jason Schwartzman. I thought it was Charlie Chaplin! The navy suit, droopy bow tie, oversized fit, 20’s slicked-back hair, and Chester-the-Molester ‘stache complete this horrifying ensemble.

Sunrise Coigney and Mark Ruffalo Lianne Spiderbaby and Quentin TarantinoWorst Dressed Couple: Sunrise Coigney and Mark Ruffalo. Her dress looks leathery on top with a poncho on the bottom, and his suit looks shiny, which highlights an apparent weight gain. I love Mark, but I think he’s had some medical problems, which makes him look 5-10 years older. I feel bad giving them this award, so check out Quentin Tarantino and Lianne Spiderbaby. He’s all disheveled, and she looks like she’s auditioning for a remake of Sound of Music. Plus, her deep V makes her look like a linebacker.

I also included a few other pics of stars whom I didn’t critique, so enjoy the gallery and let me know: Who was your best and worst dressed stars of the evening?


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Love potion number nein

Posted by emzkbd on July 23, 2012

That’s German for “no.” {shakes head}

Tonight was the premiere of Bachelor Pad 3, but before we get to that (tomorrow), I need to phase out Emily’s season. Since I knew who she chose and how things went down, I didn’t watch the live finale… only because I was driving back from St. Louis, but I was thisclose to convincing my boyfriend to watch it with me. I’ll get him one of these days… then maybe he can be a fan competing on Bachelor Pad 4.

Anyway, last night Emily pretended she didn’t know who she would choose, but let’s face it, Jef’s been a front runner from the start. Like Jesse Csincsak, the quirky guys who start as friends tend to stand out with the Bachelorettes.

Emily’s family, including little Ricki, arrive in Curacao. Emily isn’t sure if she wants the guys to meet her indentured servant. Her family, minus Ricki, meet Jef first, who admitted his family was skeptical about the process, mainly because Emily didn’t fit the mold of the other sister wives in their clan.

Emily’s mom says she loved Brad, but I’m sure that was because of his affluent assets.  Emily’s brother also has a few things to say, but I was distracted because he looks like “Jaws” from the Roger Moore James Bond films. He’s not very animated but he is somewhat intimidating, and he talks out the side of his mouth like the Jaws character might do.  

From one steel jaw to the next, Jef asked Emily’s father’s permission to marry her, and because Jef has a multi-million dollar company with investments hidden in his pompadour, he agreed.

Next up, Arie meets the fam but endures a lot of awkward pauses. Clearly, this family has had enough of the interview process. “Oh you’re a race car driver? Been there, done that.”

Not sure who he’s wooing, Arie gives Emily’s family the roses that she presented him. Sort of ironic that one of the final two would give BACK the roses, and I’m sure her family was like, “Uh, that’s an odd bouquet of flowers. Maybe we can sell them on eBay to fans of the show since you’re not sticking around.”

Arie confesses he misses his ex’s kids right before he asks for Emily’s hand. Dude obviously doesn’t have his priorities straight. “Sure, you can marry my daughter, and feel free to adopt your ex’s kids while you’re at it.” He feels confident that the next time he sees her family he’ll be engaged… in a hand party maybe… while watching her live televised wedding to Jef.

Afterward, Emily’s dad tells her that she can’t really be in love with two people, but I love my boyfriend AND Channing Tatum so I think he’s wrong. Emily’s mom also thinks she should wait on an engagement… wouldn’t want Kim K.’s wedding fallout.

Now’s the hard part! Emily and her mini-me have to decide what to order from room service. Then Emily has her last date with Jef, and all we hear is love, love, love, lovelovelove. Jef really wants to meet Ricki,  and he knows how to turn the tables—he asks Emily how she’d feel in his shoes, and she says it would be weird. This wears her down, and she agrees to let him meet Ricki. So they admire Ricki’s swimming skills, watch crabs, play with puppets—all natural bonding experiences.

Later, Emily tells Jef that Ricki wants to see him again. It must be weird to have a crush on your future step dad! Emily and Jef make out a little bit, and then Jef gives her a book about Curacao, in which he drew creepy little stick figures. Then he confesses what he really wants: “Emily knows I like to mess around and have fun.” With that Emily sends him and his blue balls off to bed.

An interesting part of the finale? Chris Harrison’s interruptive screen time, live in studio, pulling a Maury Povich. Let’s ask the audience what they think of Jef. Blah blah blah… we’re all experts on what’s best for Emily. I enjoyed the one viewer’s response: “I hope she picks Arie, so the rest of America can have Jef.” I hope I’m number 69!

The next morning, in Curacao time, Emily meets with Mr. Harrison because he really is the subject matter expert on getting dumped. Emily knows she wants Jef, but she feels so bad letting Arie go. She’s about to pull an Ali—she knows she can’t go any further with Arie. To make things most awkward, Arie arrives first for their doomed date and meets a local voodoo woman who will show him how to make a love potion. Too bad this is the movie version with Sandra Bullock! Arie could have pulled a Tate Donovan, sabotaged her wine glass, and kissed her until he tasted the sweat of a mule.

Well Arie did show her the love potion, and he starts to get sexy with her. That’s nice! But Emily is only stalling, trying to hold back the flood gates. After numerous sobs, she admits he’s not the one even though she thought he would be the whole time.

Of all the breakups, I’ll give ABC this—Arie’s reaction is the most raw and probably the most dramatic. The only other guy that came close was Ben with Ashley. Arie wishes her good luck, says he doesn’t know what to say, and thought he knew what she wanted but he was wrong. A gracious and honest exit overall!

After Arie’s parting words in the vehicle, the audience appears comatose, like a graveyard of viewers. Chris Harrison: “The toughest breakup I think I’ve ever seen on this show… clearly deeply affected everyone here in our studio audience.” Or did you just sedate them?

Returning from commercial, Chris speaks with Ashley and JP who empathize with Emily and Arie, Deanna who commends Emily’s actions, Mike Stag who confirms Arie could be a future contender on Bachelor Pad 4, and Ashley Spivey… well I don’t really know WHY she was there.

The next day in Curacao, Emily is getting ready and dreaming about Jef. Meanwhile, Jef is picking out Emily’s ring with Neil Lane and dreaming about Emily. These two can’t wait to get naked.

So without further ado, twenty four hours after the fact, Jef and Emily get engaged, and sure maybe that pause was “Do I really want to do this again?” but she couldn’t pull a Womack, not this late in the game. I guess only time will tell. And what happened to “My Heart Will Go On”? Instead, we get Peter Cetera’s “Glory of Love”. Why do I always feel like we’re back in the 70’s, 80’s or 90’s with these songs?

During the ATFR, Emily insults Neil Lane, saying the ring means nothing and she’d rather have a piece of tape around her finger. No, take this hideous $68,000 ring away from me. Later, Arie recounts his pain from the breakup but says watching it helped him cope. That and the thought that maybe all that grooming will earn him the coveted role of The Bachelor.

Arie also confesses he flew to North Carolina after the show wrapped, intending to see Emily, but changed his mind about seeing her when he got there. Instead, he left his journal for Emily to read. Emily has it—still in its packaging—and Arie looks pissed. After all, if she’d just read it with all its creepy sexual undertones, I’m sure she would have gone crawling back. Emily says she encouraged Arie to keep a journal but she couldn’t read it out of respect for Arie and Jef because it wouldn’t have changed anything. Again, Arie wishes she had just been direct and said don’t put your peen in my face.

Last but not least, we learn Jef and Arie are still butt buddies, but Jef prefers Emily’s butt so he’s moving to Charlotte. The End

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