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The Oscars love your boobs

Posted by emzkbd on February 24, 2013

I’m no Joan Rivers, but I think I can be a little smart and snarky. If only I had my own show! Here’s how it works: I break down the best and worst dressed celebrities on the Oscar’s red carpet with pics, compliments of People.com. I’ve created some of my own unique categories to including Most Unconventional because something always stands out from the crowd.

BEST DRESSED LIST

Jennifer LawrenceBest Dressed: Jennifer Lawrence. Ok, so maybe it was the obvious choice, but it was effortlessly elegant! She looks healthy since her bout with pneumonia, and she looks so chic. I love the fitted bodice and the perfectly voluminous pouf of the skirt. Usually the jewel tones win me over and the nude/white/blush shades makes me roll my eyes, but Jennifer looks like a vision in pale pink. So sophisticated and Oscar-worthy! And we haven’t seen her boobs, as Seth McFarlane pointed out—on or off the red carpet.

Olivia MunnMost Glamorous: Olivia Munn. I missed her walk the red carpet, and not because of her bold choice of color. This chick is totally fit, and the corset with gold stitching hugs her curves like lingerie. I love the draping, which normally would make me complain about too much fabric, but instead its satiny sheen makes it appear totally touchable.

Naomi WattsMost Unconventional: Naomi Watts. Not only is the color and sparkle outstanding, but the fit is flawless. And of course, the whole reason it’s unconventional—the chest/sleeve cutout!

Naomie HarrisBest Color: Naomie Harris. Mustard? I know! But it so works on her. This was also a close second for my most unconventional. I don’t understand the top, and I think that’s why I like it—almost like cobblestone. The bottom looks so light and silky, and if you caught my Golden Globes review, you’ll know I’m a fan of the high slit. Love the leg over the cleav! Also have to give her props on the soft curls.

Charlize TheronBest Neutral: Charlize Theron. One of the E! correspondents said it was reminiscent of Anne Hathaway at the Globes, but I disagree. Charlize isn’t pasty, and she works this fashionable Dior gown. I love the peplum—surprised we didn’t see more of the trend this season! And I’m not really a fan of the pixie cuts, but Charlize’s looks so spunky—a total badass bombshell.

Halle BerryJennifer HudsonBest Long Sleeves: Halle Berry. I originally chose Jennifer Hudson, who somehow made the scale-effect look attractive. Then I switched my vote. Halle said she asked Donatella Versace to make her look like a Bond girl, and she definitely achieved that creation. Even the shoulder-pad look couldn’t ruin this sparkly, streamlined gown.

AdeleBest Plus Size: Adele. Even though she didn’t vary from her Globes look (all black), this one again has a great fit, great length, great sleeves and it’s accompanied by the classic Adele ‘do and smoky eye.

Jane FondaBest Over 50: Jane Fonda. Clearly the boldest color on the carpet! I love the cut and how exquisitely it conveys her timeless beauty. Another celebrity whose short hair style I would say complements her appearance.

Corinne Bishop and Jamie FoxxBest Dressed (Who are you again?): Corinne Bishop. She’s Jamie Foxx’s daughter. In this picture, she looks like a scared kitten, but she was gorgeous on his arm. I love the teal color, the heart-shape neckline and the interwoven bodice. She may be one to watch in the future.

Sandra BullockDress I desperately want to fall in love with: Sandra Bullock. First off, I wanted to push her hair back behind her ear. Back to the dress—I initially hated it like most of her previous red carpet appearances. Then I had an internal tug-of-war. I like the fit on her and the black laciness; I don’t like the sheer bottom (reminds me of a negligee), and the purse should have been silver or black.

Nancy O'Dell Maria MenounosBest Dressed Host: Nancy O’Dell & Maria Menounos. There have been award shows in the past where I’ve detested almost every host’s gown; however, these two are almost always consistent with their picks. I swear Nancy gets younger every year, and did anyone wear a dress better than she did? I love the beautiful blue color and her strappy shoes. Maria also went with a bold brilliant color in a gown, and she is notorious for the high, voluminous hair.

Jessica ChastainBest Hair and Makeup: Jessica Chastain. I have a feeling she’ll get a lot of flack about her dress (again), but I thought it complemented her sun-kissed skin and auburn hair. Speaking of hair, it looked wavy and polished, and her makeup only made her look more gorgeous. I am also usually overly critical of the red lip (probably because I could never pull it off), and even with the red hair it doesn’t clash—it works!

Eddie RedmayneBest Dressed Man: Eddie Redmayne. Can you say ‘smoldering’?

Nicole Kidman and Keith UrbanBest Dressed Couple: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. These two took my breathe away. Nicole always brings the high fashion, and she has the perfectly well-coiffed man candy. Even Nicole’s hair looks so effortless.

WORST DRESSED LIST

Kerry Washington Rachel MwanzaWorst Dressed: Kerry Washington. Ok, it was an upgrade from the Globes. I do like the salmon color against her skin tone, but it’s the flowery bust, cheap, flat-pressed bow, and extra length that moved this to the worst dressed list. First time, though, that I didn’t want to actually pick one; although I would have defaulted to no-name Rachel Mwanza (no-name being irrelevant because she’s at the Oscars, and I’m unbathed, on my couch).

Sally FieldWorst Long Sleeves: Sally Field. The sheer red was just not working. The way it gathered made it appear like she has arm rolls. The other thing about this dress—if you put a petticoat under it, she could have been mistaken as coming character.

Melissa McCarthyWorst Plus Size: Melissa McCarthy. Typical—someone cut a whole in sheet and applied some sparkly appliques to pull it all together. What’s with the 80’s rocker hair?

Tabatha CoffeyWorst Over 50: Tabatha Coffey. Not sure who she is, Sinead O’Conner’s stunt double? I think she raided Jennifer Lawrence’s closet for a gown. She has no cleavage to work this dress, and the feathers and leather gloves clash.

Helen HuntWorst Steal: Helen Hunt. She got her dress from H&M, and it shows. It’s all crinkly and it looks very similar to my sophomore homecoming dress.  I get the feeling she just doesn’t care anymore.

Brandi GlanvilleWorst Dressed (Who are you again?): Brandi Glanville. I have no clue why she’s at the Oscars. A color would have helped this dress, but only slightly. To be honest, though, Brandi just chose the wrong dress. Her makeup is overkill, she’s too tan (even for Hollywood), and her boobs—what can’t I say about those things busting out of their tiny cup holders?

Salma HayekWorst Dressed (You should know better): Salma Hayek. Correspondents said she looked super-petite, but with her curves, that dress should have hugged her a little more. Instead the velvet fabric just hands there. Then there’s that horrid collar and awful tiara!

Amy AdamsWorst Dressed (I let my child pick out my dress): Amy Adams. I think this dress overwhelms Amy and definitely washes her out. Not sure if her kid is old enough to make fashion choices, but if she’s not, then that explains why she wore this.

Jennifer AnistonDress that everyone will probably love but I hate: Jennifer Aniston. Ok, you’re probably thinking “But you like Jennifer Lawrence?” Well, to be honest, I saw Jennifer’s ensemble and I liked it. She looks great in red, and she’s rocking the classic J. Aniston. Then I thought, this is the Oscars. Pull up your hair! As far as the dress, the length is too long, and the whole concept is too young—too Jennifer Lawrence. She also looks best in something more fitted.

Kristen StewartWorst Neutral: Kristen Stewart. At first I thought this gown was white, but I think it’s more of a dusty gold. Another example of a dress washing out its wearer! Plus, Kristen has a boyish figure, and this dress makes that clearly evident. I also cannot comprehend the use of tool at the bottom.

Kelly RowlandWorst Dressed Host: Kelly Rowland. This dress must have come from a contortionist. I feel like she’s about to flash us goods—top and bottom. Then there’s that hideous updo with those heavy bangs! I don’t know what Jamie Foxx sees in her (since he groped her on the red carpet).

Renee ZellwegerWorst Hair and Makeup: Renee Zellweger. The cryptkeeper has arrived! I don’t think gold’s her color, and it’s not that flattering on her figure. Unfortunately, this shot does not convey the utter disaster that is her hair and makeup. Inside the theater, her hair looked frizzy, and it seemed like she didn’t even apply makeup to disguise her gaunt eating disorder.

Jason SchwartzmanWorst Dressed Man: Jason Schwartzman. I thought it was Charlie Chaplin! The navy suit, droopy bow tie, oversized fit, 20’s slicked-back hair, and Chester-the-Molester ‘stache complete this horrifying ensemble.

Sunrise Coigney and Mark Ruffalo Lianne Spiderbaby and Quentin TarantinoWorst Dressed Couple: Sunrise Coigney and Mark Ruffalo. Her dress looks leathery on top with a poncho on the bottom, and his suit looks shiny, which highlights an apparent weight gain. I love Mark, but I think he’s had some medical problems, which makes him look 5-10 years older. I feel bad giving them this award, so check out Quentin Tarantino and Lianne Spiderbaby. He’s all disheveled, and she looks like she’s auditioning for a remake of Sound of Music. Plus, her deep V makes her look like a linebacker.

I also included a few other pics of stars whom I didn’t critique, so enjoy the gallery and let me know: Who was your best and worst dressed stars of the evening?

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Whose Globes looked the best?

Posted by emzkbd on January 13, 2013

It’s my 2nd Annual Golden Globes Red Carpet review. This time last year, I had the most views, but what can I say, the fashion speaks for itself. I’m just bringing it to you in the most honest way possible! One thing that hasn’t changed—the predominance of nude and blush colored dressed; one thing that has—the lack of color (where’s the purple?). So without further ado…

BEST DRESSED LIST

Jennifer LawrenceBest Dressed: Jennifer Lawrence. That girl is Catching Fire! I was glad to see her win the Globe for Silver Linings Playbook! Now let’s hope she brings it—talent, fashion, and perky boobs—to the Oscars next month!

Jennifer GarnerRunner-up: Jennifer Garner. Where has she been all my life? And to think she has three kiddos! Mrs. Affleck looks like she needs a nomination. Too bad she’s hasn’t made anything worth seeing—EVER! Except maybe 13 Going on 30! I love her dress—it’s probably because she’s got those great boobs to fill it out.

Jessica AlbaMost Glamorous: Jessica Alba. My first repeat winner! Everything about this dress complements Jessica, including her makeup (bold lip), jewels and fuzzy clutch.

Isla FisherRunner-up: Isla Fisher. I’m sure we’ve seen this dress before, but she Definitely, Maybe rocked it the best, especially as a side-swept ginger.

Heidi KlumMost Unconventional: Heidi Klum. Although it does seem a tad tight across her tummy, I love the one shoulder, the neckline, and the high slit—my fave for this season’s red carpet (thank you, Angelina Jolie). Angelina Jolie

Olivia MunnRunner-up: Olivia Munn. I wasn’t sure about her whatever’s happening at her waste. Is that a belt? But something about this look just draws me in. Maybe it’s the scale-like top.

Megan FoxBest Color: Megan Fox. Is it gold? Is it beige? Is it lace? Who cares! Without a doubt one of my favorite dresses on the red carpet! And to think, she just had a baby. Transformer, she is. (That’s a Yoda reference… she’s a big Star Wars fan… anyone?)

Hayden PanettiereBest Blush/Nude: Hayden Panettiere.  I agree with Kelly Osbourne—this is definitely one of Hayden’s best looks ever! It’s soft, it’s sweet, it’s definitely put her on the map—Nashville to be exact!

Best Long Sleeves: None. I know! I tried, couldn’t find one.

AdeleBest Plus Size: Adele. Post-pregnancy looks good on her. While I would have liked to see this dress in a pop of color, I think it is totally her style: elegant with an edge—or in this case a neckline.

Kathryn BigelowBest Over 50: Kathryn Bigelow. For working in the Middle East, she sure cleans up well.

Glenn CloseRunner-up: Glenn Close. Navy was popular for the older crowd (see Sally Field, Helen Mirren, and Jodie Foster), but Glenn pulled it off the best. The fit was right, the accessories complemented well, and the train wasn’t too long.

Ali FedotowskyBest Dressed (Who are you again?): Ali Fedotowsky. I think this Bachelorette was trying that new hair trend—I have long hair, but I’ll disguise it as a bob and no one will know. Unfortunately, she didn’t pull that off, but her dress earns her the credit to walk the red carpet again—so long as it’s not for a reality TV show.

George Clooney & Stacy KeiblerBest Dressed (Ok, we know you now!) Stacy Keibler: Yes, you’re George Clooney’s girlfriend now, but where will you be next year? Hopefully, making more red carpet appearances.

Eva LongoriaDress I desperately want to fall in love with: Eva Longoria. I’m just not sure how I feel about the lacy sleeves and the deep V accompanying the high slit (which is what turned me on in the first place).

Lea MicheleBest white: Lea Michele. Another high slit (YAY!) and probably one of the only times I’ll praise white on the red carpet. Definitely a Gleeful choice!

Nancy O'DellBest Dressed Host: Nancy O’Dell. Probably the real winner for Best Color! Why didn’t we see more jewel tones on the carpet this year? Such a disappointment!

Maria MenounosRunner-up: Maria Menounos. What’s not to like about this dress? No, Maria, don’t speak.

Claire DanesBest Hair: Claire Danes. Another new mom working a hot bod and sexy locks! Not to mention, one of the night’s best dressed! Love that color—red was definitely luck y for those lady bugs.

Kate HudsonBest Makeup: Kate Hudson. Also one who was having a great hair day, but I wanted to give props to her flawless complexion (and cleavage). The Killer Inside Me would kill for those looks!

Bradley CooperBest Dressed Man: Bradley Cooper. In my Playbook, he’s hot stud numero uno, and now he’s single. So long as he’s not crazy like his character!

Robert PattinsonRunner-up: Robert Pattinson. No idea what he was doing there, but when Dawn is Breaking, I will be climaxing from my hot and steamy dream with him.

Jon Hamm & Jennifer WestfeldtBest Dressed Couple: Jon Hamm & Jennifer Westfeldt. Aren’t they the cutest? He’s just so dapper (Go Mizzou alum!), and that dress would have been my winner for Most Unconventional but they’re just so freakin’ adorbs.

WORST DRESSED LIST

Kerry WashingtonWorst Dressed: Kerry Washington. I think the only thing I like about this look is her shoes, but honestly the whole short dress under a sheer long one just isn’t working (see also Rachel Weisz). The color is wrong, and so is her blowout. Chain this one back up!

Alyssa MilanoRunner-up: Alyssa Milano. Is she pregnant again? If she is, she looks horrible. If she’s not, then she really looks horrible.

Amanda SeyfriedWorst Blush/Nude: Amanda Seyfried. The lace doily thing almost never works, and this is case in point. I guess she’s so used to being one of the Les Misérables.

Amy AdamsRunner-up: Amy Adams. I really wanted to like this one, but the unruly tulle looks like it’s about to swallow this dress whole. She confidently brings the glam, but the Trouble with those Curves is definitely that tulle.

Emily MortimerWorst Long Sleeves: Emily Mortimer. Look everyone! It’s a knight’s formal eveningwear.

Jennifer LopezRunner-up: Jennifer Lopez. To be honest, I was completely up in the air with this one. I tried to see the glam in it, but her curves and the lace did not want to cooperate. The two combined were just too distracting to be likeable.

Lena DunhamWorst Plus Size: Lena Dunham. Ok, so maybe she’s not reallllly plus size, but the dress makes her appear that way. That said, I am happy to see her and her show take home trophies tonight!

Helen MirrenWorst Over 50: Helen Mirren. From last year’s best to this year’s worst, she and Glenn decided to switch places.

Allison WilliamsWorst Dressed (Who are you again?): Allison Williams. Girls, take note! Do not pick a dress from a designer who looks like they can’t sew. Am I right? This seams here are quite obvious.

Sienna MillerWorst Dressed (You should know better): Sienna Miller. There are no words.

Halle BerryWorst Dressed (I let my child pick out my dress): Halle Berry. Ok, I’ll admit, I don’t REALLY know if her daughter picked out this choice. I mean, we know her personal life is a jungle, but her wardrobe does not need to reflect that. I do love the shoes, though, and the high slit, of course.

Lucy LuiRunner-up: Lucy Liu. Does she have children? If so, they should learn that flowers are only pretty in pictures, not on fabric.

Kristen Bell Michelle DockeryWorst Dressed (Chastity chests): Kristen Bell and Michelle Dockery. This just looks painful! I can’t imagine the pain preggo Kristen’s breastesses are experiencing.

Julianne HoughBjork moment: Julianne Hough. (Secretly, I kinda like it, but then there’s that tulle again!)

Kristen WiigVagina hands meet vagina dress: Kristen Wiig. I don’t get it!

Zooey DeschanelDress that everyone will probably love but I hate: Zooey Deschanel. She isn’t a New Girl to the red carpet, but I keep waiting for her to have a breakout moment in fashion. Still, I’m left unfulfilled.

Taylor Swift Jessica ChastainRunners-up: Taylor Swift and Jessica Chastain. I wish I could blame Taylor’s recent breakup on her poor fashion sense, but she looked amaze-balls at the People’s Choice Awards, but this was a fashion flop. While I like Jessica’s color, it’s not one for the gingers. Plus, the dress makes her look fuller-figured and like she has saggy tits.

Anne HathawayWorst White: Anne Hathaway.  When “I Dreamed a Dream” of the best dressed, Anne’s dress was definitely not one of them. I hate white, I hate Anne Hathaway, and I hate her haircut, pastiness, and anorexia nervosa. Catwoman needs some catnip.

Giuliana RancicWorst Dressed Host: Giuliana Rancic—a two-time loser! How has she earned the right to critique on E!’s Fashion Police? Nothing about this look complements her figure or is pleasing to the eye. Not to mention, she is oompa-loompa orange. Hey Giuliana, I think Anne needs some of your color!

Kelly OsbourneRunner-up: Kelly Osbourne. I think their show needs an overhaul. Can I suggest moi?

Kaley CuocoWorst Hair AND Scariest Makeup: Caley Cuoco. The sad thing is I actually like the dress, but she put in any effort with the rest of her appearance. I guess I could cut her some slack since she was hosting the People’s Choice Awards last week, but she better not show up to any more awards shows looking like she was just gang-Banged.

John HawkesWorst Dressed Man: John Hawkes. Well first off, he has bad posture. Second off, he looks like a pedophile. And thirdly, I’m a fan of black-on-black, and this kills it for me.

Helena Bonham Carter & Tim BurtonWorst Dressed Couple: Helena Bonham Carter & Tim Burton. Too easy, I know! While the outfits aren’t bad, their presentation is as bad as one of his movies!

Remember to check back after other awards shows this season, including the fashion finale—the Oscars! And tell me: who did you think was the best (and worst) dressed at this year’s Golden Globes?

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And the best dressed award goes to…

Posted by emzkbd on February 26, 2012

The greatest night in film has arrived, as did numerous, luminous stars to the red carpet. Predictions suggested black would rule the celebrity runway, but white made an appearance in the right way. Here are my picks for the best and worst dressed at the 2012 Academy Awards!

BEST DRESSED LIST

Best dressed: Milla Jovovich.  Resident hottie! She’s never been to the Oscars and already she’s slayin’ it! I hope she steps out more often!

Runner up: Emma Stone.  I know everyone’s making comparisons to this dress  worn previously by Nicole Kidman, but the only real similarity is the bow. I love the touchable fabric, the way it flows and the brilliance of the color. Easy A+ in my book!

Best white: Gwyneth Paltrow.  I can’t stop thinking about this dress and how glamorous she looks! Sure, it has a cape, but she’s a total superhero at the Oscars. Guess she’ll have a View from the Top; maybe then her hair will come out of that awful low ponytail!

Best black: Angelina Jolie.  Even though she still looks like something a Tomb Raider would find (a.k.a. scary skinny), Angie can’t help looking uber-confident and crazy-sexy in this velvet-y black gown. She keeps it simple without any jewelry, which presumably slipped off when she was attaining that wildly seductive sex hair just moments before emerging from her limo!

Best color: Leslie Mann.  Such a gorgeous dress… makes her look 17 Again! Perfect combination of sleek and sparkly!

Runner up: Penelope Cruz.  She’s no stranger to ball gowns at awards shows, but tonight Penelope is a vision of old Hollywood. I give her a Nine out of 10!

Best plus size: Octavia Spencer.  Not sure if this is white, off-white, or cream, but who cares? It shines just like the Academy Award winner herself. Octavia has made excellent choices this season, and this dress exquisitely shapes her figure. She certainly needs no Help looking like a champ!

Best over 40: Meryl Streep.  No, I wouldn’t wear it, but this is Meryl! She looks so regal and statuesque, and surprisingly, the gold accessories don’t make her look like an Iron Lady.

Best host: Maria Menounos.  If this dress were metallic, it would be the color of the new car I want. Reminiscent of Mila in lavender last year! So romantic and ethereal!

Best couple: George Clooney and Stacy Keibler.  Looks like George already picked up his Oscar! Stacy has been one to watch this season, and tonight was no different. Her dress looks like liquid gold and complements her skin tone and hair color tremendously.

Best guy: Pharrell Williams.  Is this the guy that was responsible for the shitty sound at the Oscars? During the pre-show, he was labeled a music consultant. Either way, a good tailored suit makes it almost forgivable.

Most improved: Michelle Williams.  She always walks her own path when it comes to fashion, but not since her yellow fringe-y number have I loved one of her dresses so much! The coral color against her porcelain skin oozes a fruity flavor. My only issue is the fabric—it looks sorta starchy and itchy!

Most unexpected surprise: Cameron Diaz.  It’s clear I’m not on board with the nude color trend, but There’s Something about Cameron in this beige gown that makes me wanna be In Her Shoes!

Don’t love ‘em/don’t hate ‘em: Jessica Chastain , Rooney Mara , and Kristen Wiig . For Jessica, I think it was a little ornate, but the black and gold contrast was definitely Helped her standout. Rooney, on the other hand, had been The Girl hiding in black but instead chose an off-white number, which only made her made haircut more evident. Lastly, Kristen’s dress isn’t bad, but again, she chose a bad color I can only describe as the diarrhea from Bridesmaids. Not to mention, an up-do would have improved this look considerably.

WORST DRESSED LIST

Worst dressed: Berenice Bejo.  Redheads and navy dresses work! Redheads and seafoam green? Not so much! Berenice wore the deep blue at the Globes, but failed to stun this evening. Frankly, it looks like she’s caught in a net!

Runner up: Jennifer Lopez.  Jenny from the block has a look, and this is it—tantalizingly tight, splendidly sparkly, and a collage of cleavage and cut-outs. Unfortunately, this dress looks like an optical illusion. If you stare too long you might have a seizure! And can J.Lo rock any other hair style beside the top-knot?

Worst white: Shailene Woodley.  Not looking good for this up-and-comer! This dress looks like it was made for a blind person with the braille on chest! Furthermore, it’s just too matronly for this young Descendant. You’ll have plenty of time to look old, Shailene, so use this time to look fresh and fabulous!

Worst black: Anna Faris.  Love the hair, hate the dress! It’s no surprise long sleeves did not receive a high five at the Oscars. It looks like Anna added the missing pieces to Rose Byrne’s dress  and went with it.

Worst plus size: Melissa McCarthy.  Ok, ok, so the dress isn’t as horrific as Bridesmaids not winning an award, but she looks like she belongs in a tower, letting down her hair! Someone trying to live out a fairy tale?

Worst over 40: Melissa Leo.  Not even sure if this can be categorized as a dress? Obviously, someone doesn’t care unless she’s nominated.

Worst host: Kelly Osbourne.  The dress isn’t that bad, but I can’t take fashion advice seriously from someone with purple hair. That and she is such a proponent of spanx, but yet her dress looks too tight across her hips.

Worst guy: Matthew Lillard.  A. Where’s he been since Scream? B. Why does he look like a creepy serial killer? And C. why does his suit look a few sizes too big? Did he just come off Biggest Loser: Celebrity Edition?

Most unexpected disappointment: Sandra Bullock.  Just like Melissa Leo, a former Oscar winner should show ‘em how it’s done, right Gwyneth? Sandra’s dress is ill-fitting on top, even if it does present a scoop back. Not even the black and white could Blindside this dress into the best dressed category.

Runner up: Natalia Portman.  You, too, Natalie! As a Black Swan you should have blossomed, but instead you look more like a pregnant lady bug.

Now you know mine, so who were your favorites?

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The Whammy’s

Posted by emzkbd on February 12, 2012

Forget music’s biggest night! This awards show could quite possibly have been Whitney Houston’s biggest night. If you won, or even if you didn’t, you were asked to comment on her tragic death. It’s really too early to make assumptions, but given her history, it’s hard not to speculate if this was drug or alcohol related.

As a little girl, I loved to belt out Whitney when my mom popped one of her cassette tapes in the car, and that’s how I’d like to remember her—not as a crack whore! Because like those before her, it’s sad to see a musical icon leave us before their time, but it’s also hard to idolize them when they made bad personal choices that inevitably led to their downfall.

Accidental drowning? Suuure, just like you could “accidentally” hang from a curtain rod. Suicidal, homicidal or accidental, I guess we’ll have to wait for the autopsy results.

Moving on to the reason you’re really here…  the best and worst dressed at the 2012 Grammy Awards!

BEST DRESSED LIST

Best dressed: Rihanna.  Simple, stunning, superbly sensational! If you told me I would love a Ri-Ri look, I would have told you I must have had a concussion from a Chris Brown attack. Alright, that was a low blow, but not as low as Rihanna’s deep V. Or as high as the slit on her thigh! We fell in love in a sexy place that’s somewhere between these two divides. Perfect way to make your ex jealous!

Runner up: Julianne Hough.  She could land a permanent spot on Dressing with the Stars. Tonight, she let her gay boyfriend pick her outfit, and it worked. She practically looked like a Jen Aniston on the red carpet—the basic black, the beach-y waves, the “I’m-someone-without-my-man” confidence.

Best color: Amber Rose.  I’ve never been a fan of hers—something about sleeping your way to the top—but I must say that bright colors always stands out, just like a shaved head.

Best over 40: Jane Seymour.  Not really sure why she was there—maybe she was Whitney’s medicine woman who prescribed all that Xanax. Even so, I’m sure all the cougar-hunters and motor-boaters wanted to take her home as their Grammy statue.

Best country artist: Hillary Scott.  This singer’s got curves and a voice as velvety as her purple dress. The strappy sandals and stick-straight hair complete her look, and her sexy slit shows she owned the Grammy night.

Best R&B/rap artist: Corinne Bailey Ray.  This Christian Siriano dress has almost as much bounce as her hair—it’s fun, and it’s flirty! Girl, put your ruffles on!

Best Pop artist: Jessie J.  I’m calling it the Domino effect because it looks like she’s wrapped in metallic ones. It’s a shiny, slinky number that stuns in J.Lo’s absence.

Best host: Guiliana Rancic.  I’ve hated on her all season, but this cocktail dress is one of my favorites all season—perhaps because it looks like something that I own. I think she’s previously tried to standout, but she shouldn’t be competing with the nominees. This is how journalists do business casual on the red carpet!

Runner Up: Kelly Osbourne.  I loved it, except I thought she needed static guard for the clingy parts. Unless that’s draping—I just can’t tell! I just wish she would dye her hair back to blonde!

Best guy(s): Kings of Leon.  Who knew a brown suit could look attractive? These guys are totally tailored to look like red carpet royalty.

Best Victoria’s Secret model: Lily Aldridge.  Speaking of the Kings, one of their queens, Lily, is radiantly preggo in this flowery black and blue frock—a sweet balance of maternal and model chic.

Best couple: John Legend and Chrissy Teigen.  From newly pregnant to newly engaged, this beautiful couple looks legendary in black. The two complement each other marvelously, and Chrissy could rival Rihanna for the raciest thigh high slit of the night.

Best non-artist arrival: Kate Beckinsale.  Remember how much I despise the creamy neutrals, well Kate has already proved this season that she can pull it off, and rather than pair it with a rose-y red like Angie and Natalie have, Kate opts for black accents, including her nails. The draping is ethereal, and the shoulder ribbon ties it all together. Glad she could make an appearance!

Most unexpected favorite: Paris Hilton.  Another one I never thought I’d praise, but Paris brought the glamour to the Grammy’s. The dress fits her like a glove and then flairs at her knees, to which I’m sure she’s most accustomed.  The gold inflections and gilded belt really pop against the white color, and not to mention her hair is romantically weaved into stylish up-do. Props to Paris!

I loved the dress, but not on you: Katy Perry.  This Elie Saab dress was a very elegant and mature look for Katy, but since when does she color coordinate, especially with her hair? I expected more, and by more, I mean less clothing and more fireworks from her boobies.

WORST DRESSED LIST

Worst dressed: Robyn.  Do you know what it takes to impress me? If the skirt didn’t have a tail and the top didn’t look like a t-shirt tucked into the bottom and the color didn’t match her hair and the shoes were any other pair, then maybe we could talk.

Worst over 40: Valerie Simpson.  I don’t know who you are, like most of the people walking the red carpet this year, but you’re forcing me to have a seizure. Plus, I think your weave is falling out!

Worst country artist: Taylor Swift.  This Asian inspired gown is not as Enchanted as you once were to meet Jake Gyllenhaal. I would also like to point out that I have better hair on a Monday morning.

Runner up: Miranda Lambert.  I think this dress fits her better than most of her previous picks, which makes me think that she left her real dress at the Baggage Claim, and Taylor had a backup for her to borrow.

Worst R&B/rap artist: Nicki Minaj.  This goes without saying, but Nicki is obviously competing to be the
next Gaga, who actually looked pretty demure, even with a scepter. Nicki, on the other hand, looked like a black Red Riding Hood. She needs forgiveness from this sin!

Worst Pop artist: Fergie.  Like the Fashion Police, I like that she took a bold risk with the orange hue, but I will never understand the need to showcase your undergarments. If it had a nude slip, it probably would have made my best-dressed list, but the black lingerie is too distracting and tacky. Glamorous? Not so much!

Worst host: LL Cool J.  He looks like a chauffeur with that doofy cap, and the dark top coat paired with the grayish black pants are more uniform than host. Mama said knock you out!

Worst guy: Common.  So LL over-did it, but Common, who I’m fairly certain doesn’t give a crap about the Grammy’s ever, looks like he came from the recording studio. Are those jeans? I’m also willing to bet that’s a t-shirt under a cheap blazer with a pocket square.

Worst Victoria’s Secret model: Anne V.  I’m sure she’s only confident when she’s wearing next to nothing, so no wonder she’s all smiles. However, boyfriend Adam Levine looks very well groomed, and next to him, Anne looks like a street-walker. Not to mention, one quick glance and it appears Anne’s Maroon 5 is on display.

Worst couple: Diana Krall and Elvis Costello.  Old and sloppy! She forgot to do her hair and have her dress hemmed, and he must be colorblind because his navy teal suit clashes with Diana’s black sheath dress. Oh yeah, and with that top hat, Elvis and LL could start their own limousine service.

Worst non-artist arrival: Taraji P. Henson.  The style makes her seem thicker in the middle, and while the pink is a flattering color, the fade out to animal print makes this The Curious Case of where’s her stylist?

Gaga moment: Sasha Gradiva.  Looks like Nicki has some competition! Sasha’s welding is commemorative of Gaga’s unpredictable red carpet appearances, but I’m surprised she got through security with a weapon. I also think she looks like Gwen Stefani and Madonna had a love child.

Didn’t love it or hate it: Carrie Underwood.  I really liked the black dress she wore during her duet with Tony Bennett, so ladies, if you have a tight, toned physique, don’t hide it in what appears to be a straightjacket. The sparkle was pretty enough, but part of me wishes she could Undo this red carpet moment.

Do you agree? If not, who wore your favorite dresses and who was a red carpet hott mess?

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Lookin’ SAG-gy

Posted by emzkbd on January 29, 2012

If the Golden Globes are the playoffs, then the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards are… the Pro Bowl? Sure, why not? It’s all about actors giving other actors awards, just like the Pro Bowl is not quite the best (because they’re in the Super Bowl) of the best playing touch football. The SAG awards don’t have the anticipation of the Globes or the glam of the Oscars; they’re really just a filler between the two, as well as a reminder of which movies we should be seeing before the Academy Awards.

Coincidentally, I feel the same about the SAG red carpet. It’s not really about wearing your favorite gown of the season; sometimes celebs play it safe in black or change it up in a short cocktail dress. Of course, it’s still a place to spot some va-va-voom because those voomers are the ones who know not everyone has brought their A-list fashion. I’m looking at you, Naya Rivera.

So here is my breakdown of tonight’s red carpet extravaganza.

BEST DRESSED LIST

Best dressed: Sofia Vergara.  Am I becoming too predictable? Almost as much so as Modern Family winning the outstanding ensemble in a comedy series each year. It’s such a shame we won’t see Sofia’s curves on the Oscars’ red carpet. I think the fuchsia color is fabulous with her complexion, and I love how she accessorized with purple jewelry.

Runner up: Katrina Bowden.  Last time, I expressed my distaste with the nude, pale and white dresses, but here’s a girl with a newly-engaged glow Rockin’ a simple, chic frock.

Best black: Stacy Keibler.  I almost gave her my number one spot for this lacy number. Even though she’s only arm candy, she certainly knows how to steal the show. She’s my most anticipated celebrity to see at next month’s big top. No Cloon’in around!

Best color: Emily Blunt.  I think it’s safe to say she always walks the red carpet like a Queen. No, it wasn’t Prada, but her Oscar de la Renta gown was meant for the red carpet runway.

Best plus size: Octavia Spencer.  At first, I wanted to hate it, but the more I saw it, the more it worked for her. This woman clearly needs no Help working the red carpet, or winning an Oscar.

Runner up: Melissa McCarthy.  So maybe she’s not ready to take a risk when it comes to fashion, since she didn’t stray far from her GG dress (which ended up on my worst dressed list last time), but this time, things came together nicely for her. At least she didn’t show up looking like a Bridesmaid.

Best over 40: Viola Davis.  There’s not a Doubt in my mind that she, like Octavia, landed a great role and a great dress. The white color popped against her rich skin tone, and the beading at her bust line lent just the right amount of sparkle.

Runner up: Regina King.  Sure, it might have been a tad too young for her, but it was frilly and romantic. Plus we never see this color enough, and girl is fit as a fiddle. We’re way past Jerry Maguire, so it’s about time she shows us the money!

Best host: Maria Menounos.  Again, I think she upstaged her peers. Sorry, Kelly and Guiliana, but you two fashion police should be ticketed for not dressing more like Maria.

Best guy: Jim Parsons.  Definitely not a Hollywood hunk at one of these soirees, but he sure did a Bang up job with his tuxedo.

Most unexpected surprise: Kaley Cuoco.  I have a Theory that she and her fellow castmates are getting the hang of this red carpet thing. She’s never wowed me in the past; in fact, I think she’s shown up at previous awards shows looking like a hot mess. Personally I think the ball gowns and bridal couture look are more for the Oscars, but even so, I thought she looked like she climbed out of a fairy tale.

Runner up: Natalie Portman.  Honestly I would have expected to see her Anywhere but Here, but now that I have I’m in love with this burgundy number, the sash at the waistline and how amazing her boobs look post-pregnancy.

BATTLE OF THE GLEEKS

It’s no surprise the Glee girls are on everyone’s radar, and after some major faux pas at the GG’s, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one holding my breath for their next appearance as a fashion favorite or flop.

Here’s how they climbed my chart:

Heather Morris,  what were you thinking? The hair is so WT, the shoes and accessories don’t match, and the dress has too much going wrong—the different materials, the poor fit, and the leg drapery. Was your influence Britney or Madonna or both?

Amber Riley,  you’re one of my biggest disappointments because you always look great. However, this time, you’re also my worst dressed plus size. It looks like you tried to mate Emma Stone’s and Stacy Keibler’s dresses and wrap it up with a big bow. Never again or I’ll stuff you in the trunk of a Mercedes.

Jenna Ushkowitz,  you do know that you’re part of the Glee cast and not Modern Family’s, right? I get that this look is youthful and sparkly, but it would have been a better fit for MF’s Sarah Hyland or Ariel Winter.

Lea Michele,  I don’t think any dress was sexier, but you picked the wrong color (again). Any other color and this dress would have been a clear winner, a Rachel Berry must!

Dianna Agron,  I’m glad you chose something that really showed off your femininity, reminds me of Mila Kunis’ soft and flowy choices last season. Absolutely one of my favorites!

Naya Rivera,  you give Lea a run for her money. You’re a young, shiny J.Lo—full-on glamazon!

WORST DRESSED LIST

Worst dressed: Shailene Woodley.  As a newbie to the red carpet, she definitely put her worst dress forward. I realize the film The Descendants took place in Hawaii, but that doesn’t mean she should pay homage to the Hawaiian theme.

Runner up: Emma Stone.  I feel like she’s caught between vixen and girl-next-door. The cocktail length and flirty shoes are sweet, but the vampy black and sexy lace are spicy. Which is it, Emma? Naughty or nice?

Consolation prizes that were worthy (or not worthy?) of mention: Gretchen Mol  (a white and gold short-sleeved kimono), Jane Krakowski  (Xena: Warrior Princess’s black tie formalwear), Julianna Margulies  (this dress needs to see a doctor about its wart infestation), Kristen Wiig  (boring beige meet chocolate choker, now get out of my fashion nightmare), and Zoe Saldana  (guess someone finally netted that Columbiana).

Worst over 40: Meryl Streep.  For playing the Queen B of a fashion magazine, this Iron Lady has succumbed to the hot mess fashion line belonging to Diane Keaton.

Still can’t buy into the hype: Angelina Jolie.  The dress looks like liquid leather, the way it slithers down the red carpet. Is she a badass mother of six? Maybe. Or maybe she’s just covering up her bony bad ass. A trash bag could look sexier… or is that the simplistic look she’s going for?

Needs to find a new look: Jane Lynch.  Honestly, the style and color have been 9 of her last 10 dresses, or so it seems. Case in point…

Worst guy: Jonah Hill.  Congratulations, you’ve lost a ton of weight. Now why are you still dressing like your clothes don’t fit?

Tilda Swinton wannabe: Rose Byrne.  She’s too beautiful and presumably straight to go down the road of jumpsuits/pantsuits.

Most improved but still a Fash-ho: Julie Bowen.  It’s a better look than the last, but it reminds me of the curtains at a theater with the way it’s pinned up at her shoulders. I would say though that it’s the color that saved it from being a travesty. Arguably the “it” color for the show!

Don’t love it/don’t hate it: Michelle Williams.  I didn’t get the purple leopard print and the headband last time, and I still can’t accept the Valentino fitted frock with a little lace and a high-lo hem as a frontrunner. You’re a fashion conundrum to me, Michelle, but keep trying! One of these times you’re bound to be my (Blue) Valentine.

Tell me your SAG-gy faves and who you predict will stun at the Oscars. And as always, stay tuned for a re-cap on Bachelor Ben and his skinny-dippin’ ways.

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The Golden Globes—the playoffs to the Oscars

Posted by emzkbd on January 15, 2012

Here we are in the midst of the 2012 awards season, and already I’m underwhelmed with the performances and appearances. I’ll admit I haven’t seen most of the nominated films, so I only have myself to blame. However, there aren’t many films that pique my interest, maybe The Help, The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo (which I’m almost finished reading), and Young Adult; the rest, either I’ve seen ‘em or I’ll leave ‘em. And as far as TV shows goes, I already have a full lineup on my DVR, and unfortunately I must not have very good taste according to the Hollywood Foreign Press because most have not been included in this soiree.

So since I can’t speak to the nominees (yet), I’ll keep my opinions to the red carpet. My biggest gripe—the abundance of blush, nude and gray walking the celebrity runway. BORING!! I’ve said it a thousand times, show up in jewel tones and you won’t be forgotten. It’s like all these ladies are publicizing their desire to pose for playboy. Show us a pop of color somewhere besides your lips and nips! Sometimes one or two of them does it right, but most of the time, I’m loving the dress but wishing it were in a different color.

Then there are the black and white, chain mail metallic, and my-body-is-a-canvas trends. Everyone has their niche or their chance to go bold, but I can’t say that any of these choices WOW-ed me this year. Kate Winslet and Claire Danes played it safe in their penguin-inspired dresses, but both failed to leave an impression. Next up, Nicole Richie parades onto the red carpet (excuse me, why?) in something that appears to belong under a suit of armor. And finally the Glee girls (Lea Michele and Dianna Agron) apparently thought this was some sort of living art expo. Lea, Halle Berry already rocked this trend, and Dianna, the swan thing is creepy on top and your g-ma’s doilies are hideous on the bottom.

Without further ado, here is my Best/Worst Dressed list for the 2012 Golden Globes.

BEST DRESSED LIST

Best dressed: Sofia Vergara. So the dress wasn’t radical or unpredictable. She knows how to work her curves, and it shows. This dress fit like a glove, just like Nicole Kidman’s,  but for Nicole, it’s all about finding a color to complement your features, and gray is not that. So, no, Nicole is not really part of my Best Dressed.

 Most Glamorous: Jessica Alba. For just having a baby, she looks stunning! The dress is very romantic and begs to be touched.

 Most Unconventional: Salma Hayek. The beading, the shimmer, très chic! I feel like she’s been missing from the red carpet, and I’m happy to see she’s returned.

 Best Color: Paula Patton. Good morning, Sunshine! This woman is the next Sofia Vergara, who coincidentally, also went with a fishtail dress.

 Best Blush/Nude: Kate Beckinsale. I know I said I hated this trend; I’d take the fishtail over this one any day. But like I said, every once in a while, someone (with the right features) does it right, and this time it was Kate.

 Runner-up: Charlize Theron. Again, I didn’t want to like it, but I recognize that she always takes a fashionable risk with the style of her dress, and it usually works. Plus, her porcelain skin still allows the blush color to standout just a bit.

 Best Long sleeves: Laura Dern. I loved this emerald color, too, but I think this was perfect for the carpet and a GG winner. Just wish she had a little more makeup!

 Best Plus Size: Amber Riley. So not all the cast of Glee made a mistake. Amber did it right last year, and I think she comes out on top again this year! Great color (it’s tough when you’re competing with the carpet) and very complimentary for her curves!

 Best Over 50: Helen Mirren. Always! This woman has aged well and knows what works. Ruffles done right!

Runner-ups (over 40):

 Viola Davis. Talk about a silent favorite. I had to check her age and realized she wasn’t “over 50” but I still thought she deserved credit for dressing sexy as hell at her age.

Felicity Huffman. Shimmering in a creamy gold number, she turns 50 this year, but she certainly isn’t a Desperate Housewife. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a picture.

 Best dressed (Who are you again?): Jenna Dewan. Reminiscent of Mila Kunis last season, I love this style and the color. Not enough green this year! (Speaking of Mila Kunis—yes, I know who she is,  but I have to point out the reason she didn’t make my “list.” Black is safe, and this style seems so as well. After last season, this just doesn’t even come close to movie-star quality.)

Runner-ups:

 Berenice Bejo. She’s the French silent film star. That almost sounds naughty. Either way, I loved her dress, and I can’t wait to see what she wears to the Oscars.

Stacy Keibler: Yes, you’re George Clooney’s girlfriend now, but where will you be next year? Hopefully, making more red carpet appearances.

 Dress I desperately want to fall in love with: Julianne Moore. I love the layers here, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around the tiers at the hips and the feet.

 Runner-Up: Evan Rachel Wood. There’s a lot going on here with the sparkle, the scales, and the feathers, but I want to say she wears it well.

 Best Dressed Host: Nancy O’Dell. I know I said the chain mail look was out, but she pulls off this metallic look elegantly.

 Best Dressed Man: Chris Colfer. I almost wish he were straight.

WORST DRESSED LIST

 Worst Dressed: Piper Perabo. It looks like she has no boobs, the color is depressing, and it looks like she’s got the Wringling Brothers under that big top.

 Runner-Up: Naya Rivera. Perhaps the worst dressed Glee star, I had to mention how dreadful her dress was. This gray at least had more depth to it, but the turtleneck-like collar and the unsightly seam down the middle made it unsalvageable.

 Worst Blush/Nude: Elle MacPherson. From the weird wings on top to the explosion of tulle at the bottom, it’s red carpet trash. Thank goodness she has great hair!

 Worst Long Sleeves: Jessica Biel. Has someone already started to look at wedding dresses?

 Worst Plus Size: Melissa McCarthy. I hate saying this because I know how cool she is, but it’s just so wrong, like a bejeweled robe. And then there’s the Snooki poof!

 Worst Over 50: Glenn Close. It looks like a mother-of-the-groom dress, and we all know how wretched those can be.

 Worst Dressed (You should know better): Heidi Klum. I tried to find the fashion sense here with the turquoise jewelry, which I like, but I just can’t give this ensemble the credit it probably deserves.

 Worst Dressed (I let my child pick out my dress): Sarah Michelle Gellar. Aww how cute! Your daughter helped pick out that mistake. Looks like you wrapped yourself in a drop cloth and let someone throw a bucket of blue paint on you. Obviously you have no fashion sense and neither does your child.

 Worst Dressed (all of them with cap sleeves): Yes, I’m looking at you—Emma Stone in your belted Greek priestess gown; Julie Bowen in that horrific retro nude catastrophe; and Madonna, you’re not SJP, so don’t try to be trendy chic at these events for real actors.

 Worst self film-promotion: Rooney Mara. I was in her corner for most of her film premieres, but this is too much. Lay off the black and put some more color in your wardrobe!

 Dress that everyone will probably love but I hate: Reese Witherspoon. The material looks cheap, the fit is too tight in some parts and too loose in others, and the hem is way too long. Great beachy hair though!

 Runner-Up: Angelina Jolie. Sorry, I just can’t get behind this. I know I’ve seen this color combo before (wasn’t it Natalie Portman last year), and while the slit and shoes are sexy, it’s just not my cup of Blood and Honey (that was her movie reference).

 Worst Dressed Host: Giuliana Rancic. I think she needs to take time to heal from this dress.

 Worst Dressed Man: Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Uh, hello, I thought you were gay in real life?

There were lots more that I failed to mention. For more pics, I recommend a visit to People.com (where I found most of these shots). Tell me, who did you think was a hit or a miss?

And stay tuned for tomorrow’s Bachelor re-cap.

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