(Pop) Culture Shock

It comes in waves

The Whammy’s

Posted by emzkbd on February 12, 2012

Forget music’s biggest night! This awards show could quite possibly have been Whitney Houston’s biggest night. If you won, or even if you didn’t, you were asked to comment on her tragic death. It’s really too early to make assumptions, but given her history, it’s hard not to speculate if this was drug or alcohol related.

As a little girl, I loved to belt out Whitney when my mom popped one of her cassette tapes in the car, and that’s how I’d like to remember her—not as a crack whore! Because like those before her, it’s sad to see a musical icon leave us before their time, but it’s also hard to idolize them when they made bad personal choices that inevitably led to their downfall.

Accidental drowning? Suuure, just like you could “accidentally” hang from a curtain rod. Suicidal, homicidal or accidental, I guess we’ll have to wait for the autopsy results.

Moving on to the reason you’re really here…  the best and worst dressed at the 2012 Grammy Awards!

BEST DRESSED LIST

Best dressed: Rihanna.  Simple, stunning, superbly sensational! If you told me I would love a Ri-Ri look, I would have told you I must have had a concussion from a Chris Brown attack. Alright, that was a low blow, but not as low as Rihanna’s deep V. Or as high as the slit on her thigh! We fell in love in a sexy place that’s somewhere between these two divides. Perfect way to make your ex jealous!

Runner up: Julianne Hough.  She could land a permanent spot on Dressing with the Stars. Tonight, she let her gay boyfriend pick her outfit, and it worked. She practically looked like a Jen Aniston on the red carpet—the basic black, the beach-y waves, the “I’m-someone-without-my-man” confidence.

Best color: Amber Rose.  I’ve never been a fan of hers—something about sleeping your way to the top—but I must say that bright colors always stands out, just like a shaved head.

Best over 40: Jane Seymour.  Not really sure why she was there—maybe she was Whitney’s medicine woman who prescribed all that Xanax. Even so, I’m sure all the cougar-hunters and motor-boaters wanted to take her home as their Grammy statue.

Best country artist: Hillary Scott.  This singer’s got curves and a voice as velvety as her purple dress. The strappy sandals and stick-straight hair complete her look, and her sexy slit shows she owned the Grammy night.

Best R&B/rap artist: Corinne Bailey Ray.  This Christian Siriano dress has almost as much bounce as her hair—it’s fun, and it’s flirty! Girl, put your ruffles on!

Best Pop artist: Jessie J.  I’m calling it the Domino effect because it looks like she’s wrapped in metallic ones. It’s a shiny, slinky number that stuns in J.Lo’s absence.

Best host: Guiliana Rancic.  I’ve hated on her all season, but this cocktail dress is one of my favorites all season—perhaps because it looks like something that I own. I think she’s previously tried to standout, but she shouldn’t be competing with the nominees. This is how journalists do business casual on the red carpet!

Runner Up: Kelly Osbourne.  I loved it, except I thought she needed static guard for the clingy parts. Unless that’s draping—I just can’t tell! I just wish she would dye her hair back to blonde!

Best guy(s): Kings of Leon.  Who knew a brown suit could look attractive? These guys are totally tailored to look like red carpet royalty.

Best Victoria’s Secret model: Lily Aldridge.  Speaking of the Kings, one of their queens, Lily, is radiantly preggo in this flowery black and blue frock—a sweet balance of maternal and model chic.

Best couple: John Legend and Chrissy Teigen.  From newly pregnant to newly engaged, this beautiful couple looks legendary in black. The two complement each other marvelously, and Chrissy could rival Rihanna for the raciest thigh high slit of the night.

Best non-artist arrival: Kate Beckinsale.  Remember how much I despise the creamy neutrals, well Kate has already proved this season that she can pull it off, and rather than pair it with a rose-y red like Angie and Natalie have, Kate opts for black accents, including her nails. The draping is ethereal, and the shoulder ribbon ties it all together. Glad she could make an appearance!

Most unexpected favorite: Paris Hilton.  Another one I never thought I’d praise, but Paris brought the glamour to the Grammy’s. The dress fits her like a glove and then flairs at her knees, to which I’m sure she’s most accustomed.  The gold inflections and gilded belt really pop against the white color, and not to mention her hair is romantically weaved into stylish up-do. Props to Paris!

I loved the dress, but not on you: Katy Perry.  This Elie Saab dress was a very elegant and mature look for Katy, but since when does she color coordinate, especially with her hair? I expected more, and by more, I mean less clothing and more fireworks from her boobies.

WORST DRESSED LIST

Worst dressed: Robyn.  Do you know what it takes to impress me? If the skirt didn’t have a tail and the top didn’t look like a t-shirt tucked into the bottom and the color didn’t match her hair and the shoes were any other pair, then maybe we could talk.

Worst over 40: Valerie Simpson.  I don’t know who you are, like most of the people walking the red carpet this year, but you’re forcing me to have a seizure. Plus, I think your weave is falling out!

Worst country artist: Taylor Swift.  This Asian inspired gown is not as Enchanted as you once were to meet Jake Gyllenhaal. I would also like to point out that I have better hair on a Monday morning.

Runner up: Miranda Lambert.  I think this dress fits her better than most of her previous picks, which makes me think that she left her real dress at the Baggage Claim, and Taylor had a backup for her to borrow.

Worst R&B/rap artist: Nicki Minaj.  This goes without saying, but Nicki is obviously competing to be the
next Gaga, who actually looked pretty demure, even with a scepter. Nicki, on the other hand, looked like a black Red Riding Hood. She needs forgiveness from this sin!

Worst Pop artist: Fergie.  Like the Fashion Police, I like that she took a bold risk with the orange hue, but I will never understand the need to showcase your undergarments. If it had a nude slip, it probably would have made my best-dressed list, but the black lingerie is too distracting and tacky. Glamorous? Not so much!

Worst host: LL Cool J.  He looks like a chauffeur with that doofy cap, and the dark top coat paired with the grayish black pants are more uniform than host. Mama said knock you out!

Worst guy: Common.  So LL over-did it, but Common, who I’m fairly certain doesn’t give a crap about the Grammy’s ever, looks like he came from the recording studio. Are those jeans? I’m also willing to bet that’s a t-shirt under a cheap blazer with a pocket square.

Worst Victoria’s Secret model: Anne V.  I’m sure she’s only confident when she’s wearing next to nothing, so no wonder she’s all smiles. However, boyfriend Adam Levine looks very well groomed, and next to him, Anne looks like a street-walker. Not to mention, one quick glance and it appears Anne’s Maroon 5 is on display.

Worst couple: Diana Krall and Elvis Costello.  Old and sloppy! She forgot to do her hair and have her dress hemmed, and he must be colorblind because his navy teal suit clashes with Diana’s black sheath dress. Oh yeah, and with that top hat, Elvis and LL could start their own limousine service.

Worst non-artist arrival: Taraji P. Henson.  The style makes her seem thicker in the middle, and while the pink is a flattering color, the fade out to animal print makes this The Curious Case of where’s her stylist?

Gaga moment: Sasha Gradiva.  Looks like Nicki has some competition! Sasha’s welding is commemorative of Gaga’s unpredictable red carpet appearances, but I’m surprised she got through security with a weapon. I also think she looks like Gwen Stefani and Madonna had a love child.

Didn’t love it or hate it: Carrie Underwood.  I really liked the black dress she wore during her duet with Tony Bennett, so ladies, if you have a tight, toned physique, don’t hide it in what appears to be a straightjacket. The sparkle was pretty enough, but part of me wishes she could Undo this red carpet moment.

Do you agree? If not, who wore your favorite dresses and who was a red carpet hott mess?

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